A year or three ago I found myself saying out loud: “There must be one or more huge misconceptions in and about this world.”
I could not completely define my awareness in this regard, but the perception was growing inside of me even though I had impulses to let it go. Eventually I reached the point where I realised that I was totally stripped from beliefs that I have always considered to be so safe and secure.
It was a journey of questioning – without the usual source of answers – accompanied by guilt and sometimes even some form of fear. It was lonesome and tiring and I almost thought it would be never-ending.
I now have a different outlook on life and all its dynamics.
Although I still feel somewhat hesitant to express my feelings towards others who might not find themselves at the same place, my inward talk has changed quite a bit:
I talk to One who I consider to be a part of myself, and whom I consider myself to be a part of;
Keeping myself in tact with what I believe may really be going on in this world;
Leaving behind what I consider to be a great misconception;
Finding reasons to include rather than to exclude or reject;
Being objective rather than being the Judge.
What I have received thus far is undeserved.
What the future may hold, is like a parcel, a gift, of which the content has yet to be disclosed.
It may not resemble the parcel of the person next to me, but it is mine – my life.
It cannot be lived by another person on my behalf.
I have to see what life has in store for me and I have to live it all by myself.
A part of my parcel which I have recently opened, leaves me with a feeling of gratitude: all of our children will shortly be settled in our hometown, granting Danie and myself the pleasure of being able to see our grandchildren on a daily basis. Yes, we mock ourselves by asking what we have done wrong to deserve this(!), but jokes aside, we consider it a real privilege.
We now have three granddaughters of whom two are identical twins who, due to uneven nutrition, had to be monitored carefully while in the womb. For the same reason they had to be delivered by Caesarean section on the 8th of July – 8 weeks prematurely; their full-term due date would’ve been the 1st of September. They had to be treated in an intensive care facility for the first 5 weeks after their birth but now, 5 months down the line, we are thankful to say that they are perfectly normal and healthy babies, full of smiles, and all the known symptoms of teething and related fevers etc.
I have always been astonished by the potential that unlocks when two cells are merged together to create a new life. The astonishment is so much greater for me now, knowing that one fertilised egg split in two, resulting in our two beautiful bubbly babies.
I encourage you to take some time to have a conversation with yourself before the year is spent.
Pick up your parcel with all it may contain.
Cry when you need to cry.
Laugh when it is time to laugh.
Let me know how you are doing every once in a while.
Thanks for allowing me to put aside my professional responsibilities for a couple of moments, to show you a little something of my own personal being.
My wish for you is to experience good health, perceive true insight in the life you are meant to live, love and joy in your family, fruitfulness and fertility, as well as overall peace of mind with what may be awaiting you in 2012.